My Year of Magical Thinking: Curiouser and curiouser and curiouser!
“A hero is someone who voluntarily walks into the unknown.”
Am I blind to the beauty of my life? Is my need to know, my need for approval, my need. . . . keeping me from seeing how truly blessed I already am. My goodness, I used to dance with the stars, leaning into the wind as it caressed my face, so in love with life. The energy changed to begging begging begging. Seeking seeking seeking. Missing missing missing. Wanting so desperately to have someone shine the light on me so I would finally feel special, important, validated. Wanted for someone else to tell me that I am special. Always looking externally when I knew as a child my happiness came from within. Losing sight of my own value, I bought into a different kind of existence. One that did not make me feel safe, had me hiding often, sabotaging myself, putting myself down. And why, to belong to something that I did not intrinsically believe in, to be one amongst the crowd, one of many, to conform to what others would have me believe is right. And where would that get me? I was so lost. Begging, seeking, missing. As if a a crystal ball could truly show me my future, as if another person can truly explain to me my value, as if I would ever be truly happy replacing my self worth with the simply unsolicited good opinion of others. And then what? Until the pain opened me up to a wanting so desperately to know the meaning of my life, why am I here, what is the point of this, my existence? If someone or something else gave me all answers to my life’s questions without having to go through the experiences myself, where would I be on this path, this journey? Living a reality that I never embodied as my own? I scream out NO to this paradigm as it is exhausting to be other than who I am. I get on my knees, let me head fall to my chest and hold my arms out declaring YES to my own hero welcoming what the next phase has in store for ME.
I come to the end of this chapter, as 2016 closes, slowing down so I can breath in the beauty, even if I am unable to see it. Learning to use all of my senses to continue to walk and move forward. All the while appreciating what I have experienced thus far, and finally beginning to look within getting curiouser and curiouser and curiouser as to the preciousness that is there. I invite you to do the same. For you see, freedom comes when you begin to realize that there is no need for someone else to shine a light on you, when all along you have an inner light that will shine on others when you finally stop looking for permission to do so. Authenticity shall rule the day as long as we remember well who we are and pledge to live our lives based on that. Authenticity as we are called to creatively approach our world leaving behind the baggage of the past that only weighs us down. Authenticity as our journeymen join us with an enthusiastic embrace, ready and willing to stand for what is right and place our energy brilliantly to support all that is good.
I see all the beautiful faces that have joined me on this journey and smile to myself for I know that divinity has dealt a beautiful hand. Yet, as I stand on the edge of the passage of time and look out over the horizon, one sunset giving way to the sunrise of hope, possibility and even my bliss, I pray that I am brave enough, that we are brave enough, to willingly and voluntarily walk into and embrace the unknown so that we can fully become the hero of our own journey. Then this next year shall be a year where we will no longer apologize for ourselves. Holding our hands over our hearts, connecting with our center of balance, of brilliance, of light, exhaling into the moment, inhaling all that it has to offer. Exhaling gratitude, inhaling wonder, Exhaling love, inhaling life. For it has taken us this long to truly realize that this is LIFE. We are not lost, we are finding direction in the chaos, finding purpose in the pain, finding our voice and finding our way. We wander together side by side, hand in hand, love is our mission.
As water pools at the corner of each eye, filling up to the point where full drops form and trickle down each cheek, acceptance is what I hear over and over again. Accept yourself, right here as you are. This past year, I thank you dearly for the lessons received, I shall go slow into the moments of my shiny new beginning. I will welcome it with a deep appreciation that I was unable to enjoy before. For this year of magical thinking had me doing, this year of new beginning will have me falling into the arms of the universe as I finally allow it to effortlessly carry me onto the next great adventure, magically and miraculously living my life, seeing the world with a clearer vision, purpose, faith and gratitude. I shall wear my tiara, stand taller and embrace the unknown with laughter, joy and most importantly love. No need for a crystal ball to tell me that I will be ok. I have my inner light that will always guide my way. I know we have found each other and we are blessed. Living our lives fully is the ultimate test. So these final days, draw strength from what you have been through, get intentional for what is to come, infuse your life with great hope and get ready! Your transformation has awoken you to so much more than meets the eye. Look forward to seeing you in 2017! Lights up and ready to shine!
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Butterflies, Blessings, and Bliss!
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