My Year of Magical Thinking: Building Bridges, empowering love!
“If the problems (of today) are essentially anxiety, emptiness, loneliness, isolation, then the solutions can only be the linkage of individuals to wider worlds of emotional, intellectual, personal, community, and spiritual involvement. An individual or society that is out of touch desperately needs bridges. . .”
Clyde F. Crews, Ultimate Questions, A Theological Primer
How did I get here? Looking for peace in the chaos. Looking for comfort in the discomfort. Looking for the pearls of wisdom hidden inside of a hard shell that has already begun to crack wide open. I remember well when I set out on a different path for my life, charting a new course for my future, knowing connections were so important. All my hopes and desires were mixing with those same fears of not being enough as I am that have haunted me from the beginning. Knowing I have come so far, yet still feeling somehow off. Knowing that when you say “Yes” to life and follow the call, God’s promise is to carry you where you need to be. Knowing that the mystery of life is only uncovered as I discover the puzzle one clue at a time.
At this point on the journey, at a cellular level, I am being asked to slow down, be silent, and breathe in the joy that comes from so much expectation of a life lived with purpose. This is the message that comes to me when I start to ask the questions that have lingered in my soul from the beginning. On the one hand, as I become more alert, I am challenged to not allow myself to squander opportunities when my anxieties and fears pop up over and over threatening to hinder my potential. On the other hand, I force myself to gaze away from what societal dictates want me to believe, for I know that the cure to loneliness comes from the connections established when we start to build bridges from one heart to the next. In a world that finds power in an us v. them mentality, I know abundance lies where we all come to the agreement that together is the only way to be. As Scripture requires us to throw off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light, I understand that this uncomfortable place that I find myself experiencing is necessary to rid myself of the habits of the past that no longer serve me. As I rise in enlightenment and see life through new eyes, I choose to place my ladder against the right wall. I choose to build bridges that take me out of the isolation, loneliness and despair moving me forward to connections based in love, support and hope for a brighter day as I put on the armor of light. I am guided, this I know. I am not alone, this I am sure of. My mentors show up each and every day, this makes me smile. So while I am in the midst of chaos because I am finally releasing my tight grasp on the life that I thought I wanted, I am doing my best to embrace the unknown without trepidation and fear but excitement and bliss. I look to the memory of the young woman who was me and take her by the hand grateful for what she has done thus far smiling and congratulating her for getting us this far. I look to the possibility of the old woman who will be me and reach out as I know she nods her head in approval for what will come. And I confidently look in the mirror at the woman staring back at me now, ready to shed the heavy burden that she has been carrying for too long, knowing this with this part of the adventure I am not traveling alone as I have built bridges already with the many beautiful groups of women and men I surround myself with whose connections will be just what is needed to empower a much beleaguered world crying out for love.
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Butterflies, Blessings, and Bliss!
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